Callie Rogers Day, September 4th

Every September 4th shall be now proclaimed as “Callie Rogers Day”. In case you are wondering what insignificant feat she accomplished, this 22-year old former lottery winner has blown through all the money ($3 million) she got that day 6 years ago. But you know, it was on the essentials:

• Coke (yes, the white stuff)
• Counseling (it’s tough winning $3 million dollars)
• Clothes (because $600,000 of Prada and Guchi paraphernalia is vital for life)

So what can you do to really bring out the spirit of the holiday?

• Invest with your street corner cocaine dealer
• Go to therapy for no particular reason and convince them you need antidepressants, dumping away your money
• Buy clothes 5 sizes too large for you.

Wasting is the American Dream. Thanks for being a patriot, Callie Rogers.

Happy Callie Rogers Day!

USA’s Newest Holiday

There are many ridiculous holidays that flood our calendars these days. For example, every February 24th, the U.S. is supposed to be commemorating “Matt Rau Day”, who from what I can tell is an indie rocker who has little to no popularity from his meager Myspace page comments and music responses. This got me thinking that more insignificant people should be honored for their minuscule impacts on this country and its culture.

Each Friday, from this day forward, this country shall honor a citizen of the U.S.A. who doesn’t get his/her fair share of credit from us. There needs to be more Matt Raus cluttering up our calendars. We shall also campaign for these people to have their names printed in calendars so all can know to celebrate through wild raves (in case someone doesn’t read this blog)

This Friday, August 7th, shall now be known as “Winnie Cooper Day”. Winnie Cooper was a fabulous character on the hit show “The Wonder Years”, which I hope many of you had the privilege of enjoying. She was the fox of this enormously popular sitcom, but sadly disappeared from the spotlight.

The last reported sighting of Winnie occurred in September of 2007 when she snuck onto the scene of an episode of “How I Met Your Mother”. Unfortunately, no one was watching the program, and she escaped from sight. If you know the whereabouts of Winnie Cooper, please leave us a message. Otherwise, celebrate with DVD sets of “The Best of Wonder Years” and remember the good times she had. Godspeed, Winnie.